What's up guys? Callan here.
by, 11th March 2013 at 03:38 AM (150916 Views)
So my last blog post, where I talk to myself about how terrible my life is, was from 2008. I figure it's time to once again put it all down in writing. See, this is my life right here, a little neglected journal documenting my lowest and highest points. Sometimes, we're just chilling out in midfield though. Let's pick it back up from where we've left off. In '08 I had a pretty terrible time. I've made a full recovery, but perhaps I was a little too ambitious once I got back on my feet. Instead of going back to school I came to the awful realization that I was broke. Who the hell has time to go to school when we've got bills to pay? Anyway, sometime after working shitty jobs here and there fighting through my self-loathing, I said fuck it all. So I made a decision, walked into my local Armed Forces recruiting office and said, "Hey there guy! Sign me up!" Worst decision ever. It's not all bad, I've met a lot of cool dudes in the Navy, as well as a lot of complete idiots and assholes. We go through some shitty experiences, stay up really late most nights working on some bullshit that in the big picture doesn't really matter. I get to stand a lot of watch, where I frequent a few websites where I bitch and complain about normal things like a human being does. But really, secretly, without anyone that I know outside of here knowing... I love it here. Everything is done for you, I don't have a care in the world. I have bitches cook my food, even though it sucks. I have bitches provide housing for me, people do my taxes. Yeah, when I get out at the end of the year it's going to suck. I'm going to have to relearn to take care of myself. I haven't cooked a meal in a long ass time. That'll be fun. So personally, I don't have much to speak about. I don't really talk to my father much anymore. I don't hold any grudges on him, but I don't have any specific reasons to keep in touch with him. We just don't get along well, and it's better to have limited contact than to be in contact and end up arguing about stupid things. My last real relationship ended almost 2 years ago. Fuck I'm tired of being alone. People are not meant to live this way, let me get that straight. We need someone at our backs, someone that is going to stick through hard times and be there to share the high life when it comes around. I've had a trainwreck of relations in the past. But I'm really ready to find someone to settle down with. It's just gotta be the right person, I'm not looking to fuck around anymore. I've got a couple prospects, I'm not going to lie. The idea that I've mentally labeled them as prospects though just worries me that I'm not actually taking what I really want seriously enough. The fact that there is a "couple" of prospects doesn't bode well either. So let's talk about the candidates, and what the decision would mean for my life. Before we get into it, let's talk about my current post-naval service plans. I'm stationed in Pearl Harbor, HI, living in Honolulu. I hate it here. It's isolated, too hot, and I'm not even a beach person. I want to move to Seattle for that big city life, where that dotcom industry is booming and the weather is awesome by my standards. Rain? I love rain. Now, finally... I'm going back to school. I've put this one off long enough. I'm pushing myself toward a career in journalism and broadcasting. I feel I'd do pretty well there, considering I love writing and I have a knack for broadcasting thanks to my experience in the Navy. Let's get back to those options now. There's a girl I went to high school with, we'll call her Jen. Recently Jen and I have reconnected, she's newly single and made the stretch to get in touch with me. When she did, she had an interesting question as to why we never dated, making a specific indication that she was sad we didn't ever try. We had a really nice conversation afterwards and I've been chatting with her for a few hours every week since, including a really nice phone convo where we really clicked. I feel pretty happy when I'm talking to her, yet if I was to make anything serious of it, it wouldn't be until later this year when I have an opportunity to go home. If it becomes serious, there goes my plans to move to Seattle as well. The other girl, is strangely a female stationed with me on my ship. While this option has a bit more immediate possibility of working, the previous option overall has me cautious on initiating anything. We're going to call her Kim. Kim is a really pretty girl, she's from the Bronx, so she makes fun of my Jersey accent a lot. I can tell she's doing it flirtatiously though. We had a really nice opportunity to get to know each other a few weeks ago while we were stuck out at a gun range. We have a lot in common it turns out, mostly talking about how awesome the tv show "How I met your mother" is. I feel like my feelings for her might be a bit more forced than I want to believe, but regardless there is a fairly solid connection here. I'm not sure how a relationship with Kim would affect my current plans. So anyway, let's talk about real stuff. Let's talk about those US budget issues and how they're really affecting the military and DOD. It's bad. We're at a point where the ship picks and chooses what it wants to fix. With a growing list of equipment causalities piling up, it's getting harder to choose. The money just isn't there, and schedules are starting to be pushed off to the right. This isn't terrible I suppose for us lowly guys on the totem pole, meaning that we're just going to sit around sometimes. But for the few of us who see the big picture, we know that when that money starts coming back in, shit's going to get crazy. We're talking condensed schedules like a motherfucker. That means crazy hours, not getting sleep, and working harder than we've probably ever worked before. But yeah, we're some superhuman species so we'll get it done. Well, that's enough rambling for now. Hopefully someone is able to make sense of this crap for me. Seems like when I write anything recently it just comes out as if I just vomited them onto a piece of paper. Guess I've eaten something bad.