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Anubis
6th September 2004, 02:32 PM
Aditya and Dhruv's Mars Rover
Genre: Two-Dimensional Shooter
Content Rating: None
Platforms: GiveUpAlready Arcade
Developer: Team Android
Released: Unknown
Official Website: http://www.eovieinteractive.com/
Special: Supports the use of arrow keys and a mouse

Short Review: Since it's a GUA Arcade game, you know I wouldn't be reviewing it unless it was exceptionally good or terribly bad. I will tell you up-front that it is not exceptionally good in any way, shape, or form. I hold no responsibility for anyone who endangers their mental health or devastates their depth perception by playing this game.

Background: The spelling was bad enough and the history plagiarized that I will try to peice back together what the hell is going on:
After the Black Mesa Compound disaster, a scientist named Gordon Freeman faught against the creatures from the planet Xen in Half-Life all alone. During this incident one alien mothership deviated from its path and went towards Mars, where this Mars Rover, created my the scientists at the Black Mesa Compound, was guarding the surface of Mars. Use this rover to destroy the mothership and its deadly homing missiles because the mothership has seen you.

Graphics: Pretty ugly and bland. No original design whatsoever. The mothership looks like a Death Star with a giant tumor.

Sound: Not too great. No music. Anything to distract me from this horrible game and they couldn't even put on some music?

Gameplay: You have lasers. Metal balls fly out of nowhere to hit you. You can hit the metal balls with the lasers. Some metal balls blow up after getting hit with lasers. Other metal balls can withstand many laser blasts. Some metal balls can have laser blasts pass right through them and they only blow up upon impact with the rover, and that's when you lose your health. Generally, laser shots aimed directly at the target with perfect precision and accuracy will only hit the target roughly 40% of the time, but anywhere from 10-70% can be expected. Certainly no replayability, since ever single fucking time one of those metal balls flies down, it's the same thing over and over again.

Judgement: This game is terrible, like the most terrible thing you can think of but twice as terrible. Possibly three times as terrible. Like, if you went to Hell, and it was full of terrible things, and those terrible things were in the most terrible forms possible, and there were terrible things being tortured terribly, then maybe that would give you a slight idea of how terrible this game is. But probably not.

Anubis has awarded this game a West Nile Virus Award.
Anubis' Game Award System (http://www.giveupalready.com/showthread.php?t=808)


Reactions:

"Mars Rover transcends awfulness. And why would you choose to just sit there... facing a seemingly infinite barrage of gray orbs of death? That game REALLY sucks."
-The Truth

"That is undoubtedly by far the most atrocious video game I've ever seen."
-Sheriff Daedric

"That is a terrible game."
-Xv Raven vX

"THIS R TE HBAD!"
-doos

"This game sucks balls... [and] fucking sucks!"
-Squidward

White_Hindu
6th September 2004, 04:45 PM
I was wondering why some of the metal balls come from the top of the screen, while some of the metal balls just appear 3 feet away from you. Are the metal balls invisible? That would explain a lot...

Anubis
6th September 2004, 05:02 PM
They kind of come in from the side sometimes. Just about anywhere but from the ground.

doos
12th September 2004, 08:30 PM
One came up from the ground when I played. I was like "omfg FIRE BAD" and pressed back, and never played that game again.

So yeah. I completely agree with you on the idea of "THIS R TE HBAD!"

Anubis
14th September 2004, 05:26 AM
Let's just say that with creators named "Aditya and Dhruv", none of this is actually all too surprising. Their parents screwed up in creating, and now the kids want to take it out on us.

Squidi
14th September 2004, 04:26 PM
Anubis, I agree 113.876% with the statement,


Judgement: This game is terrible, like the most terrible thing you can think of but twice as terrible. Possibly three times as terrible. Like, if you went to Hell, and it was full of terrible things, and those terrible things were in the most terrible forms possible, and there were terrible things being tortured terribly, then maybe that would give you a slight idea of how terrible this game is. But probably not.

This game sucks balls! I played it two times, and it was horrible. First time I was like, this game isn't that good, but I'll play it just one more time. Second time, I was like this game fucking sucks. In the words of doos, "THIS R TE HBAD!"