View Full Version : Training a friend (Ali Dheren and Alfmaytre)

6th February 2005, 11:39 AM
this thread is only for AliDheren and Alfmaytre. Here we are going to practice his rpg skills, basically because we also need to practice language. So, please do not post here. If you have any question regarding this thread, PM AliDheren. THANKS

Ok, Alfmaytre. This is how we start.
Do you remember Daffy Duck (el pato Lucas?). There is a chapter when he depends entirely to the will of the drawer. Now that's exactly what happens to your character now.

He is in the beginning. Everything is empty now. You need to give him a ground, a surrounding, a time, a space and, like in theatre, a goal.

Do you remember Jaime's lessons? A has a goal. B has a goal. The encounter between the goal of A and the goal of B leads to C, the conflict? Well. It is just the same. Here you practice a little the same improvisations.

So, let's start by creating the time and place for your char.
Make the post agile, easy to read. We will enrichen it as we advance ok?

12th February 2005, 11:53 AM
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O.C: Thanks Ali. Here it goes...
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--He just finished his Arts exam –explain his mother—when he was send to the sick bay because he had yellow skin with little violet marks on his face… I can’t explain what happens, ‘cause this morning he look so well, even most happy than other days, and he had a good breakfast. He don’t use to have lunch at school, he prefers to play something, or just spend his break time reading or dreaming awake, his teaches says so…

--Do you have an stomachache őstvšn? –ask the physician.

-- I don’t!



--Do you felt dizzy at school today?

--always feel dizzy at school, is like normal to me…

--Have you smoke daddy’s cigar again, sweetheart? –interrupt his mother.

--Oops, what a dream, ya! Never more since that day, remember? –he blushed.

--something you drink? –ask the doctor.

--nothing strange, ya. Just have milk and orange juice this morning, nothing more, you know. But an “Evian” at school… I was thirsty.

--Ms. SÍrŽnthŠ, are you sure that the milk and the juice were okay?

--yes, of course, I just brought them this morning, at the supermarket…

-- How do you feel now őstvšn?

őstvšn didn’t hear the doctor’s question because he was looking, so deeply, a painting at the doctor’s office wall. It has a lion dreaming a lion female with a little lion. Beautiful painting. He was truly impressed.

At that moment, the őstvšn skin had changing again and was taking his habitual color, even with some pale brown, but brown at least; the violet marks on his face was disappearing slowly…

Suddenly, he put on his feet and said to his mom: --Come, madam, lets away. I have a lot homework to do now… please?, could we, doctor?


that was last week.

Today, őstvšn had gone to doctor’s place ‘cause he had a kind of deep blue face, now without marks of any kind. Even his eyes had been a sort of strange olive color…

14th February 2005, 07:17 PM
*This time the physician took another route for the usual questions...

she (for this time it was a lady, tall, with long brown hair and dark eyes, a round face and a loud, but happy voice) asked Istvan's mom to leave her a second with the boy...

"Now, Istvan... strange name... well... tell me... did you tried something weird with your Chemestry Pack?" she knew that all boys, at his age, were crazy about Mi alegrŪa Chemestry Games, specially when combinations made bubbles

"Are you having troubles at school? With your friends? Or is it that you simply don't like school and invent this whole theatre... You are good with it, I may tell... now... What's that you don't like, huh? Do you sleep well at nights?"

*Her eyes were fixed on the child, and she was not even examining him. Maybe because she did not buy the fact of having a blue child in front of her. It was simply a joke, or some painting... but she wanted to know why this boy wanted SO BAD to call attention upon him*

*And what if the kid was in denial?... Yes, probably he should attend a psychiatrist...*

Do you have strange dreams, Istvan?

14th February 2005, 09:57 PM
I hope you don't mind if I jump in Ali. For a little comment to your friend.

Dialog, such as you did it, is boring and more short story or non-fiction book orientated. "Dialog should also be set apart by quotes," said Angryn3wb. Also, long dialogs shouldn't take place like you had them take place. there should bememories, thoughts imprinted far more than you did. And reguard for your partner needs to be taken. It needs to be show how they want the story, dialog to unfold. Other than that, I think Ali should give you you're tips as he is training you.

Though, unless he is giving tips in PM, I don't see any. If your nxt post is as... loose as this with no improvement I will be very unhappy. No offence.
Aku rolled around on the floor with an axe splitting his stomach, a little blood squirt - then death.

14th February 2005, 10:32 PM
Angryn3eb: I just explained him about the quotes, since he is used to the spanish style, which uses large or double dashes --like this.

Now,for PM's... he lives at home. So all those are given in presence. :P
Yet, I see your point about how he began his story. It is sort of an intro, as he said, and now we are developing a situation. The past is given in his char's sheet, already. But he has not posted it in his sig.

Now, Alfmaytre, when you read this, for I know you will: try an edit your sig with a link to Istvan Stats. Be careful to remember to use quotes in dialoges. And be ready to short dialoges, since now they will depend on the other chars you interact with.

As Angryn says, you may recall those scenes in memory flashbacks instead of dialogues. Yet it depends on your style. So improve but be yourself. Ok?

Now, bear in mind that this is an Out Of Character comment, and you should not use them in an entire post just as I just did. It is often ill taken by mods unless really justified. Like Angryn's own comment. Any doubts: you know, Pm me or just ask when I get back home.

Try not to make completley OOc posts. Any rp post needs to have some IC in it